


the world is cold and life's not fair

by sxftmelody



Category: PRISTIN (Band), Pledis Girlz (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-03 00:12:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10231196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxftmelody/pseuds/sxftmelody
Summary: If I could I would feel nothing; that’s the truth and I don’t care, baby.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i never expected for me to actually finish this fic, especially not after hitting such a bad writer’s block due to school zapping all the creativity out of me. anyway, i’m quite proud of this fic! it holds a special place in my heart considering i actually enjoyed writing it and really took my time with it. 
> 
> this one’s for the napink squad (including hongmin and her love for nayoung’s hands/fingers), izzy, charlie, romy and saad. ♡

It’s chilly outside—it  _ is  _ the middle of Autumn—but Im Nayoung doesn’t mind. She pulls her jacket tighter around her body and curls her fingers around the spine of her worn-down black leather journal, her other hand grasping a black pen. She looks around the empty park, noticing how the wind picks up and rustles a few leafs in front of her, swirling them around in what Nayoung used to call a ‘mini-tornado’ when she was little. Her lips quirk up at the memory, a bitter-sweet feeling filling her chest as she remembers the innocent, easier days. She looks down at her lap and begins to jot down her thoughts, drawing leaves next to her cursive writing when her own thoughts are too much and she needs to take a break to recollect them. 

 

Nayoung hears a  _ click _ to her left—sees a flash, too—and looks up. She spots a girl with light brown hair pulling a black polaroid camera away from her face with a sheepish grin. She’s already walking towards Nayoung as she takes hold of the small picture that had come out of the device from the front, thumb and forefinger holding onto the polaroid’s corner. 

 

“You looked pretty whilst writing.” the stranger says, voice a bit embarrassed. Nayoung immediately takes note of her attractiveness and feels her heart skip and neck warm up at the compliment. As an excuse to avoid eye contact, Nayoung’s eyes flicker to the polaroid picture in the stranger’s hand. It has yet to show any sort of picture, the inner frame where the picture should be is still all black. Nayoung watches as the stranger carefully slips it into her jacket’s breast pocket. “I’ll give you the picture once it’s all good and developed—I promise.”

 

The pretty stranger shuffles around with her camera and Nayoung tries to return to writing. Eventually, Nayoung places her journal flat onto her lap, unable to formulate coherent thoughts/sentences with the stranger nearby. She ends up watching the stranger who’s wandering around the park with her camera in her hand. The girl’s black beanie looks like it’s about to fall off of her head and her backpack is so low it bumps against her butt with each step she takes. Nayoung finds her almost childlike style endearing because she can see the passion and determination in the girl even from far away—nothing like her physical demeanor. The girl stares for a long time at one thing, probably deciding whether it’s worth taking a picture of or not, before she either walks off or snaps a picture. Rinse and repeat.

 

Nayoung flips to a new page in her journal. She sketches the girl’s beanie, doodles the girl’s camera, and describes her first impression of her with her penmanship that’s scratchy and thin. When the stranger comes up to her about fifteen minutes later, Nayoung quickly turns the page to avoid seeming like a creep. 

 

(Though, she wasn’t the one who took a picture of the girl without her permission, so they’re  _ both  _ kind of creepy.)

 

“It came out nicely.” she comments with a small smile, holding the picture she had taken earlier in her hand. She pulls a pen from her pocket and flips the polaroid to the back. “What’s your name?” 

 

“Im Nayoung.”

 

The girl scribbles down something on the back of the photo before handing it to Nayoung.

 

Nayoung takes it from her and scans her eyes over what the girl had wrote—in very bubbly handwriting, might she add.

 

**Im Nayoung — 10.21.16**

 

Nayoung turns the photo over to actually look at it. She tilts her head as she examines the photo, eyes scanning the large area captured in the small frame. The photo isn’t focused on Nayoung but it’s the only thing her eyes focus on—not the swirling leaves on the left side or the massive tree in the background—just…  _ her _ . The picture captured the exact moment of her exhale, a transparent white cloud of perspiration exiting her lips whilst her eyes were focused on her lap.

 

“What is it?” the stranger asks hesitantly, almost self-consciously. She takes a seat besides Nayoung, both hands holding onto her camera. “The leaves in the corner might be a bit distracting, with it moving and looking blurry and all… but I think it adds feel to the whole picture.”

 

“No.” Nayoung shakes her head. She notices the stranger wince from the corner of her eyes, and she looks up to fix the misinterpretation of her response. “It’s— it’s pretty.”

 

“You think so?” the girl questions, eyes still wide with skepticism. “I mean… it’s just—I just like relaxing and taking pictures for my own sake instead of for work—but that doesn’t mean I like taking  _ crappy  _ photos.”

 

Nayoung can’t help the curl of her lips at the girl’s way of speaking; hurriedly and in a rush like she’s in some sort of race with her own thoughts. Nayoung can relate (with writing, not talking).

 

When the girl notices Nayoung’s smile, she gives her own smile and chuckles embarrassedly down at her lap, the wind rustling a few leafs off to the side.

 

“You said I can keep it?” Nayoung asks after a small silence.

 

“Yeah, totally.” the girl nods animatedly, pressing her lips together and knitting her eyebrows together into a look of certainty. Nayoung almost laughs because of how cute the girl is,  _ almost _ . 

 

She tucks the photo into her journal just as her phone rings. The stranger fiddles with her camera, putting in and taking out the film multiple times just for something to do with her hands. The familiar ringtone makes Nayoung’s heart stop because it’s Sejeong—probably calling and wondering why she isn’t home—but Nayoung remembers how she had wondered about a lot of things and how Sejeong had never answered her phone.

 

Nayoung silences the ringer after Sejeong calls two more times. 

 

She sighs and picks up the photo by its corner, thumb and forefinger pressed against it. The stranger, noticing Nayoung’s low mood, pulls something out of her backpack. It’s a journal like Nayoung’s, but also nothing like Nayoung’s. Whilst Nayoung’s is a plain black journal, the stranger’s is a white one with cute little dinosaurs decorating the front cover. It’s enough to get an amused smile out of Nayoung. 

 

The girl giggles at Nayoung’s reaction.

 

“Cute, right?” she asks cheekily. “I bought it specifically for the dinosaurs—but it’s a pretty neat place for me to put all my little photos in.”

 

She opens the journal and in the center of the inner cover is, what Nayoung assumes, her name.

 

Zhou Jieqiong.

 

“These are where I keep all the  _ personal _ , personal photos.” she says, flipping through the pages. “All the photos I take are personal, of course, but these…” she trails off, stopping at one page with several pictures of the ocean taped to it. She runs her thumb over the photos and hums contently. “These are just special to me.” 

 

“Do you like the ocean?” Nayoung asks quietly as she looks at all the pictures. They would all look identical to one another had someone not pay attention to detail. The amount of foam in the waves of some pictures are different than others, there’s a hint of a footprint in some of them, a big toe peeking out of the top left corner in another one. 

 

“No.” Jieqiong answers with a little laugh, turning to the next page as she shakes her head. This one is filled with pictures of a city at night; billboards, food stands, streetlights. “I went there with someone who loves the ocean. I personally do  _ not _ . It’s too scary.”

 

“Scary?” Nayoung repeats curiously. She lifts her gaze from the book to the girl’s face. Admittedly, Nayoung is more curious about the person Jieqiong had gone with to the ocean, but doesn’t want to seem too intruding considering they had literally just met. There’s just something intriguing about this girl, something that pulls Nayoung in, making her want to know more about this pretty stranger.

 

“Yeah.” she hums, still turning through her journal. “It’s a whole ‘nother world down there. There are creatures we’ve never seen, creatures we don’t believe exist, creatures we don’t know exist. It’s pretty scary, is it not?”

 

She looks up when she asks this question, connecting eyes with Nayoung. 

 

“I guess.” Nayoung replies quietly in agreement, taken aback at the sudden eye contact. “I guess it is pretty scary.”

 

Jieqiong smiles, and Nayoung thinks that the Autumn winds don’t really feel all that chilly anymore.

  
  
  
  
  


Jieqiong writes her number in Nayoung’s journal, on the same page filled with Nayoung’s doodles of Jieqiong’s outfit.

  
  
  
  
  


Sejeong is asleep when Nayoung enters their apartment. She had fallen asleep on the couch, the couch that is in the direct view of the entrance. Nayoung feels her heart clench as she kneels down in front of her girlfriend.

 

She gently shakes Sejeong awake.

 

“Hey.” she whispers when Sejeong jolts up. 

 

“You’re back.” Sejeong says, rubbing at her eyes with two fists. Nayoung’s lips curve upwards the slightest bit—a full smile hindered by the atmosphere riddled with tension between the two of them.

 

“Yeah.” she nods. “I’m sorry. I had my phone on silent.” 

 

She thinks fleetingly that it shouldn’t be so easy to lie to her partner like this, but the thought scurries away before she can settle on it for too long.

 

“No, it’s fine.” Sejeong shakes her head. “What time is it?”

 

“It’s just a little before seven.” Nayoung answers. “Did you have a long day?”

 

“Yeah.” Sejeong laughs humorlessly. “A  _ really  _ long one.”

 

Nayoung wants to ask if Sejeong wants to talk about it but she refrains from doing so. She has a gut feeling that Sejeong wouldn’t want to confide in her. She knows she isn’t supposed to feel like this, especially not when it’s her significant other, but things just aren’t what they used to be. 

 

She hesitantly pats Sejeong’s knee, as if she’s a stranger to the girl and not her girlfriend. 

 

“Let’s get you to bed.”

 

**x**

 

Nayoung meets with Jieqiong at least once a week, always somewhere in public; somewhere where Nayoung can sit and write and Jieqiong can wander and take photos. They don’t talk much about their personal lives but it’s clear that they both have a lot on their minds; with the way Jieqiong rarely talks about anything other than her photos and the way Nayoung doesn’t receive any more phone calls from the same ringtone Jieqiong had heard the first day they met, they’re in a silent pact not to delve too deep into each other’s lives. Their problems may differ, but they do have one thing in common.

 

It’s clear that they both don’t want to be alone.

  
  
  
  


“Here.” Jieqiong comes back to their table at the mall’s food court with Nayoung’s ham and cheese sub along with her own order of cheese fries. Nayoung is still focused on her writing, eager to get  _ all _ her thoughts down before she forgets them. Jieqiong sits across from Nayoung and slides the sub over to her, bumping the girl’s journal with it in order to gain her attention. “ _ You’re welcome. _ ” she says, emphasizing her words.

 

Nayoung pauses her writing and looks up from her journal with a smile, something that comes easily when she’s around Jieqiong. “Thank you.” 

 

Jieqiong uses her fork to insert a couple of fries into her mouth as she hums. Nayoung goes back to writing, taking bites of her sandwich here and there. Jieqiong glances around the crowded food court and itches to take a picture of the scene. She reaches down into her bag and pulls out her polaroid camera.

 

Nayoung glances up, notices the camera, and sets her pen down.

 

“Can I try?”

 

“What?” Jieqiong responds.

 

“Can I try to take a picture?” Nayoung repeats, pointing to the camera Jieqiong has in her hands. She reaches over and takes it from Jieqiong, who doesn’t bother resisting. “Just once.”

 

“Okay…” Jieqiong says. “Let’s see…”

 

She looks around to find something that Nayoung can take a picture of, something simple and easy to capture, something aesthetically pleasing, something that can—

 

_ Click! _

 

“I think I did it.” Nayoung mumbles, looking down at the contraption in her hands. Jieqiong’s eyes are wide as the polaroid slides out of the camera with a hum and Nayoung takes it. She holds the camera back out to Jieqiong, who’s still in a state of surprise.

 

“What did you take a picture of?” she asks despite already knowing the answer.

 

“You.” Nayoung replies easily. 

 

“But—but that was a waste of film!” Jieqiong exclaims, cheeks burning up. 

 

“No it wasn’t.” Nayoung counters. “You were focused and you looked pretty.”

 

Upon seeing Jieqiong’s slacked jaw and open mouth, Nayoung giggles quietly. “Think of this as revenge for taking a picture of me without my permission when we first met.”

 

“But I gave you that picture.” Jieqiong says, stammering. “It wasn’t like I took a picture of you and—and  _ kept  _ it.”

 

“And  _ you  _ can keep  _ this  _ picture.” Nayoung holds up the currently-developing polaroid. “I think you’re going to have the same reaction I had to the one you took of me. You took a picture of me totally in my element—” she then points to the photo. “—and now I took a picture of  _ you _ totally in  _ your _ element.” 

 

Jieqiong forms a scowl with her face and jabs her cheesy fries with her fork, stuffing some more into her mouth. Nayoung smiles at her, a smile that exposes her teeth  _ and  _ gums, and Jieqiong really can’t hold back her own smile because Nayoung’s just too cute (and she doesn’t usually smile this brightly).

  
  
  
  
  


Sejeong starts staying overnight at her cousin’s house more often and Nayoung’s usually all alone at the apartment. She can’t get mad at Sejeong because it  _ is _ true that Mina’s house is closer to her university, but she’s lonely. She doesn’t have many friends and the friends that she does have are either travelling the world, are halfway across the world, or are in totally different worlds.

 

Nayoung thinks of Jieqiong and wonders which of the three she fits in.

 

(Truthfully, Nayoung feels like it’s a mix of all three.)

 

**x**

 

“Long time no see.” Nayoung hears a voice call out from a distance. She moves her gaze from the journal in her lap and sees Jieqiong walking towards her with a grin. The girl joins her on the bench, sliding next to her. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” 

 

(It’s only been a day since she’s last seen the other girl.)

 

Nayoung hums, noting that Jieqiong doesn’t have her camera with her; she’s walking empty-handed for the first time that they’ve been around each other. She closes her journal, lightly presses it against her thighs. “What are you doing here?”

 

Jieqiong shrugs and kicks her legs back and forth, looking around the empty park. “I wanted some fresh air. I’ve been in my darkroom for so long I feel like a vampire whenever I exit it.” she laughs when she says this and Nayoung smiles. When her laughs trail off, she tilts her head upwards, staring at the cloud-covered sky with her lower lip jutting out. “It’s probably going to rain soon.”

 

“You don’t have an umbrella.” Nayoung states.

 

Jieqiong laughs. “Neither do you.”

 

Nayoung wonders if she can make it back to the apartments before the rain starts but the answer is immediately given as the first raindrops begin to fall. She places her journal into her bag and zips it up, not wanting the water to mess up her written words. Jieqiong stands from the bench and waits for Nayoung to stand with her. The rain gets harder with each passing second and Jieqiong squeals, taking hold of Nayoung’s hand and rushing them down the park’s path.

 

They’re both drenched and out of breath by the time they reach a phone booth. Jieqiong closes the booth door once they’re both inside and lets out a big breath.

 

“That come out of nowhere.” she says with a laugh, the rain pounding on the top of the phone booth. She shakes her head to get rid of excess water, much like a puppy would do. Nayoung stands in front of Jieqiong, the booth not allowing much room for the either of them to stand, obviously only meant for one person to fit in. She can feel the heat radiating off of Jieqiong’s body and feels the girl’s fingers brush against her own.

 

“Did you walk here?” Nayoung asks.

 

“Yep.” Jieqiong replies, looking up at her with a raindrop dangling on her nose.  “I took the bus.”

 

“Jeez.” Nayoung frowns. “Where do you even live?”

 

“The next town over.” Jieqiong answers with a grin. “But I grew up here, so…” she shrugs as she trails off. She then giggles and reaches up, fixing Nayoung’s messy strands of hair that are stuck to her forehead and cheeks. “What about you? Did you walk?”

 

“Yes.” she says, allowing Jieqiong to fix her hair for her with the tips of her ears turning pink. “I don’t live very far.”

 

Jieqiong looks around. “The rain might let up soon. You might be able to get home before it really gets bad if you run.”

 

“What about you?” Nayoung questions. Jieqiong looks back at her, her lips curved upwards.

 

“This phone booth is gonna be my new home for the next half hour until the next bus comes.”

  
  
  
  


The rain reduces to a drizzle a few minutes later.

 

“Nows your chance.” Jieqiong sing-songs, opening the booth door and peeking her head out. 

 

Nayoung starts walking out and takes hold of the hand Jieqiong’s using to hold open the door as she passes, pulling the girl out with her. 

 

The drizzle doesn’t last long and they end up running to Nayoung’s apartment hand-in-hand as the pelting downpour drowns out their laughter.

  
  
  
  
  


“I’m creating puddles everywhere I step, Nayoung.” Jieqiong’s laugh comes out as a snort because they’re both completely soaked from head to toe and every step they take causes a  _ squish _ sound caused by their wet shoes. Nayoung leads Jieqiong to the bedroom and pauses at the doorway when she spots Sejeong.

 

“Oh, Sejeong.” she says, keeping a steady voice. “You’re home.”

 

Sejeong gasps and turns from her spot in front of the closet, clothes in her arms. “Nayoung, I was wondering where you were— _ oh _ , hi.” she stops mid sentence when she spots Jieqiong behind Nayoung.

 

“This is my friend Jieqiong. Jieqiong, this is my girlfriend Sejeong.” she introduces the two of them to each other, the word ‘girlfriend’ feeling foreign in her mouth. Jieqiong waves meekly and Sejeong gives a friendly smile to her.

 

Jieqiong hadn’t even known that Nayoung had a girlfriend. They never really talked about their personal lives when they were together; all they ever really did was enjoy each other’s company whilst they did their own things—it was sort of an unsaid rule between them  _ not _ to ask about family or significant others. Sometimes Jieqiong would tell a story here and there about her little sister or her parents but nothing much else. So, to say the least, Jieqiong is a little surprised at the revelation of Nayoung’s (very pretty) girlfriend.

 

“Were you two stuck out in the rain? You should’ve called me. I could’ve gone to pick you up.”

 

Nayoung walks towards the closet to pull out some dry clothes for both her and Jieqiong. “I thought you were at university; didn’t want to bother you.” 

 

Jieqiong stands awkwardly by the doorway, feeling like she’s intruding.

 

“I just came to get some more clothes.” Sejeong hums, going to the duffel bag set on the bed and folding the clothes in her arms into it. She zips the bag closed and picks it up. “I’m gonna get going before it gets too dark.”

 

“Okay.” Nayoung nods. “Drive safe.” 

 

“I will.” Sejeong replies, heading towards the door. Jieqiong tilts her body to the side so the girl can pass by. Sejeong flashes her a smile before leaving and Jieqiong releases the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. She has half the nerve to comment on the tension between the couple but thinks it’s not her place to do so. So, instead, she says:

 

“Do you smell like wet dog, too?”

 

**x**

 

Nayoung knew it was going to happen—the breakup between her and Sejeong—it was inevitable, really, but that doesn’t mean that it hurts any less. The type of pain Nayoung is dealing with isn’t the type of pain you see described in movies—not at all. It hurts, but it doesn’t feel like her heart is being ripped out. Instead, it’s more of a numb feeling—the way you feel in a dream that feels all too real. Nayoung doesn’t beg for Sejeong to stay with her and Sejeong doesn’t do that to her, either. They stare at each other through their tears because they know that there aren’t many options left for them. 

 

Sejeong packs her things that evening and leaves that night.

 

**x**

 

**[Nayoung] (9:47 PM):** hey. are you free?

**[Jieqiong] (9:48 PM):** are u?

**[Nayoung] (9:48 PM):** yea

**[Jieqiong] (9:48 PM):** then, yes, i am free

**[Nayoung] (9:49 PM):** bring food to my place?

**[Jieqiong] (9:49 PM):** kk. chinese or pizza?

**[Nayoung] (10:00 PM):** neither. i want a sub.

**[Jieqiong] (10:01 PM):** yes, ma’am. i’ll be over in a bit!

  
  
  
  


As soon as Nayoung opens the door, Jieqiong walks in with words already coming out of her mouth.

 

“You’re lucky the place you like your subs from is open until ten-thirty. I swear, all of them hated me for going in and ordering five minutes before their closing time.” she places the food on the kitchen counter and is still talking when she turns around. “They were all looking at me like— _ woah _ , what’s wrong?” 

 

Nayoung, who shakily settles herself on one of the stools, lets out a shuddery breath. 

 

“I broke up with Sejeong.”

 

There’s a few seconds of silence with Nayoung’s last sentence hanging in the air. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Jieqiong’s voice is quieter now, softer compared to earlier—and Nayoung hates it. She doesn’t like that she has the ability to change the usually excited and happy girl into someone who’s cautious and quiet. (It reminds her all too much of Sejeong.) She gulps down the lump in her throat.

 

“I saw it coming.” Nayoung shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. Jieqiong brings the bag of food over to Nayoung as she sits next to the girl. She pulls out the subs from the bag and unwraps them for Nayoung and her. “She left a little before I texted you.”

 

Jieqiong studies her carefully with sad eyes.

 

“I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

“You won’t be.” Jieqiong places a hand on Nayoung’s knee comfortingly. “Do you want me to stay over?”

 

“She might come back in the morning to get the rest of her stuff…” Nayoung trails off, voice barely above a whisper.

 

Jieqiong gives a small smile. “I’ll leave before she comes. You don’t want to be alone right now and, truthfully, I don’t want to leave you alone right now.”

 

“Thank you.” Nayoung whispers. 

 

“Don’t thank me. I’m sure you’d do the same for me.” Jieqiong pats her knee. “Let’s just eat, yeah?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That night, the two of them sit next to each other on the couch until the early morning as Nayoung writes her heart out and Jieqiong uses Nayoung’s laptop to drowsily watch animal documentaries.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The front door opening is what wakes Nayoung (who wasn’t even  _ really _ sleeping) up that evening. Sejeong enters silently and Nayoung watches as she stares at Jieqiong who’s on the couch next to her before looking at Nayoung. Her eyes switch over to the leftover sub sandwiches on the coffee table in front of them and she clears her throat. 

 

“Mina’s coming up with some boxes I can use to move my stuff.” she whispers, not wanting to wake Jieqiong up. Nayoung nods tiredly.

 

“Do you need help?”

 

“No, it’s okay.” she replies, eyes flickering towards Jieqiong. Nayoung bites down on the insides of her cheeks at the sadness in the girl’s usually bright eyes.

 

“It’s not like that.” she says quietly, knowing what’s running through Sejeong’s mind. “She’s just a friend.”

 

“Yeah, but for how long?” Sejeong replies, and Nayoung doesn’t even have time to process a reaction as Mina walks in with an armful of boxes. 

 

Sejeong walks pass her to the bedroom and Mina’s eyes narrow at Jieqiong’s sleeping figure. Nayoung just shakes her head and sighs, hoping that Jieqiong is a heavy sleeper.

  
  
  
  


(She isn’t.)

  
  
  
  


“You should’ve woken me up.” Jieqiong hisses as Nayoung closes the bathroom door behind the both of them. Nayoung hands her an extra toothbrush as Jieqiong turns on the faucet, hands reaching for the toothpaste and squeezing a good amount onto it before starting to hurriedly brush her teeth.

 

“You don’t have to rush, they already know you’re here.”

 

“ _ They _ ?” Jieqiong asks in surprise, toothbrush held in her right cheek, eyes wide. Despite the ache in Nayoung’s heart and the suffocating tension of everything, she finds it in herself to smile at the girl’s preciousness.

 

“Sejeong’s cousin came to help her pack.” Nayoung states as Jieqiong angrily brushes her teeth, eyebrows adorably furrowed together. “Relax. It’s not like we’re dating—I told Sejeong we’re just friends. Am I not allowed to have friends?”

 

Jieqiong spits into the sink before she holds the toothbrush in her hand and leans back against the counter. “It’s not about whether we’re dating or not—you’re in a vulnerable situation and things can be interpreted differently. I just don’t want to cause more drama for you than necessary.”

 

Nayoung lets her weight rest on the door behind her as she shrugs. “You’re not—and you have toothpaste on your chin.”

 

Jieqiong sighs with burning cheeks, wipes at her chin, and then returns to brushing her teeth. Nayoung opens the door and leaves just as she spots Mina exiting the bedroom with a now-full box of things.

 

“I can help carry the boxes.” Nayoung says, closing the bathroom door behind her.

 

“We got it.” Mina replies coldly. It stings, admittedly, because Nayoung had once seen Mina as a cute younger sibling whose smile nearly outshined Sejeong’s. She gulps down the bile in her throat.

 

“ _ Mina _ .” Sejeong scolds as she walks out of the bedroom. She looks at Nayoung and gives a small smile. “It’s fine, Nayoung. There are only a few boxes.”

 

“Okay.” Nayoung says dejectedly.

  
  


When Jieqiong comes out from the bathroom, Sejeong and Mina had already left. She spots Nayoung sitting on the couch with an empty expression and she plops herself down next to the girl.

 

“You know what I learned?” Jieqiong breaks the silence. Nayoung merely hums.

 

“Orcas have their own languages.”

 

Nayoung’s lips twitch upwards. “Seriously?”

 

“Hell yeah.” Jieqiong nods. “It was in the documentary I watched last night.”

 

“You watched a lot of documentaries.”

 

Jieqiong’s shoulders lift and fall in a shrug. “Sue me.”

 

Nayoung chuckles and shakes her head, thankful for the girl next to her.

 

**x**

 

The duo spends the day cooped up in Nayoung’s apartment, the winter cold getting to them as they share Nayoung’s favorite fluffy blanket. Jieqiong leans her head on Nayoung’s shoulders as the girl starts up on an article needed for her job. She falls asleep eventually and Nayoung notices because her body relaxes even more than it already was, and she can’t help but feel so comfortable and  _ at home _ with the girl.

  
  
  


“What do you want for dinner?”

 

“Cookies.”

 

“That’s not actual food, Jieqiong.”

 

“It  _ is _ food. You eat it, therefore it is food.” Jieqiong retorts.

  
  
  


Jieqiong sleeps over  _ again _ and Nayoung lets her wear some of her clothes. She’s in the bathroom taking a shower when Nayoung sees her phone light up on the coffee table. It’s more noticeable considering the whole apartment is dark with an absence of light, and Nayoung leans forward from the couch to check the notification, assuming it was just from one of the many games Jieqiong has downloaded on her phone. 

 

**[EunWOOF] (11:43 PM): hey bb :( sorry about what happened. come over tmr?**

 

Nayoung furrows her eyebrows for a moment, leaning back against the couch. What had happened between this person and Jieqiong? She doesn’t want to be nosy and ask, but she can’t help the plummeting sensation in her stomach. 

 

When Nayoung hears the bathroom door open, she pretends to be focused on her laptop despite her mind wandering. 

 

“Hey.” Jieqiong says, sitting down next to Nayoung and sending a waft of the shampoo Nayoung uses into Nayoung’s nostrils. Despite the familiar smell, it seems so foreign. “How’s the book going?”

 

“It’s going.” Nayoung murmurs as Jieqiong reaches for her phone. She studies Jieqiong’s reaction to the text and finds that the girl doesn’t reply to it. She tosses her phone beside her on the couch and leans on Nayoung’s shoulder.

 

Nayoung wants to ask—wonders if she even has the right to ask—and then she decides to keep quiet. 

 

Jieqiong’s hair is still wet so it leaves a dark mark on Nayoung’s shirt where she’s resting her head. Nayoung knows the mark will dry up soon enough and go away, and she briefly wonders if the same thing will happen with Jieqiong, too.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Jieqiong shouldn’t really stay over so much at Nayoung’s apartment, but she does almost four days out of the week  _ every week _ (though it’s not like Nayoung’s complaining). Adding the four month breakup anniversary with Sejeong on top of the stress of work, it’s comforting for Nayoung to come home to someone—especially if that someone is Zhou Jieqiong. 

 

At first, Jieqiong would always take Nayoung’s bed and Nayoung would take the couch, but it’s gotten to the point where they both just end up sleeping side-by-side in bed (or, when they’re  _ really  _ tired, they doze off on the couch together). Nayoung’s sort of glad for the fact that she wakes up earlier than Jieqiong because the amount of times she’s woken up to Jieqiong’s face nuzzled in her neck and arms looped around her waist was  _ way too much _ .

  
  
  


“Welcome back, Nayoung.” Jieqiong greets from the couch as Nayoung struggles to pull her keys back out from the lock. “How was work?”

 

“Stressful.” Nayoung sighs, finally getting the damn thing out. She shuts the door behind her and peels her jacket off. “How was your day?”

 

“Not stressful.” Jieqiong replies with a grin, looking over to Nayoung as the girl walks towards the couch with a tired smile. She gestures to the messy coffee table excitedly. “I went back to my house to get the photos that finished developing.  _ Look _ .”

 

Nayoung plops down next to Jieqiong with a huff and leans forward to grasp the corner of one photo, picking it up gingerly. The picture is of Nayoung the one time they had to stay in due to a snow storm. In the photo, she’s standing in front of the window in her bedroom. The photo captures the exact moment Jieqiong had called out her name, causing her to turn. Her hair is in mid-motion, a small smile on her face.

 

“That one’s one of my favorites.” Jieqiong states with a satisfied giggle. She points to the window in the photo. “If you look closely, you can see the snow that fell off of our roof.”

 

Nayoung looks up in surprise when Jieqiong says ‘ _ our  _ roof’, but Jieqiong doesn’t seem to catch the meaning behind her words. Nayoung’s heart does a quick jumpstart and she continues to stare at Jieqiong, who’s examining the photo with bright eyes.

 

“Don’t you like it?” Jieqiong looks up at Nayoung when she asks this and—there it is; the  _ twinkle _ in her eyes. Nayoung will never get over how precious the younger girl is.

 

“I love it.” she says honestly.

 

Jieqiong laughs again, a melodic noise that tickles Nayoung’s ears. “I saw you standing there when I was going to the bathroom and I had to tip-toe away to get my camera. I just had to get a picture.” she recalls the memory fondly, staring into Nayoung’s eyes as she does so.

 

“I used to love the snow when I was little.” Nayoung grins, ignoring her hammering pulse.

 

“Used to?” Jieqiong catches. Nayoung hums and returns her gaze to the photo.

 

“It’s burdensome now.” she murmurs before putting the photo back onto the table and reaching for another one. She spots a familiar scene; one of Jieqiong sitting at her kitchen counter, white teeth biting her pen and eyebrows furrowed. “Is that the one I took?”

 

“Yeah.” Jieqiong answers with a giggle. She seems to be in a really good mood. “I decided to develop it. It didn’t come out half-bad considering it’s a photo of me.”

 

“That’s what makes it so good.” Nayoung says under her breath. She spots Jieqiong’s eyes snapping up to her face in her peripheral after she says that. Her cheeks warm up and she lowers her voice. “You were stressing over your calculus test.”

 

Jieqiong scoffs. “Yes, and you took a picture of me.” she teases.

 

“I like this picture a lot.” Nayoung states, placing it back onto the table so she can shuffle through more pictures. She notices something with a slight frown. “We don’t have one picture together.”

 

“Yes we do.” Jieqiong responds, leaning forward as she pushes a few pictures away to get to the bottom. She tugs one out from beneath another one. “This one.”

 

Nayoung remembers this moment perfectly. It was taken when they had gone to the local fair just a couple weeks ago. (There had been one too many plastic sword wars with six year olds, churros, and  _ a lot _ of face paint.) One of the little boys had pickpocketed Jieqiong’s camera, unknowing to the both of them (until they saw the camera flash), and took a picture of them. Jieqiong was in the midst of battle with a small girl, looking very focused, and Nayoung’s hand covered her mouth as she laughed out loud, her other hand grasping her pink sword.

 

“Oh my God.” Nayoung whispers, her lips curling upwards at the memory. “This is the best picture.” she says.

 

Jieqiong snorts. “Having to run after the little boy who took it was  _ not _ the best—but, yes—I really love this picture.” 

 

Nayoung’s phone chimes and she pulls it out of her pocket, placing the photo back down. It’s just some spam email. Jieqiong gasps when Nayoung unlocks her phone. 

 

“You kept me as your background?” she asks in shock, pulling Nayoung’s phone out of her hand to examine the photo she had taken a few weeks ago as a joke. In the photo she’s pulling a silly face, tongue poking out the side of her lips and eyes crossed.  

 

“I didn’t have any reason to change it.” Nayoung answers with a shrug. She doesn’t admit that it cheers her up when work is too stressful. “Besides, my old wallpaper was literally just white.”

 

“Ah, at least put a better one of me!” Jieqiong complains, going to Nayoung’s photo album to choose another one. Nayoung snatches it out of her hand.

 

“No, I like this picture.” she says quickly. 

 

“Make your lockscreen something better, then!” Jieqiong whines, reaching for the phone as Nayoung keeps it out of her reach.

 

“Okay, okay, fine!” Nayoung replies, moreso because Jieqiong’s body was literally pressing against hers and it was getting hard for Nayuong to breathe. Jieqiong backs off with a smug smile. Nayoung puffs up her cheeks and grabs the photo of her and Jieqiong playing with the kids, taking a picture of it and setting it as her lockscreen background. “There, are you happy?”

 

“Yes. And send that picture to me. I want to set it as my background, too.” Jieqiong grins cheekily, reaching out to pile all of the photos into one neat pile. “Are you hungry? I’m hungry. Let’s order.”

 

**x**

 

Horror movies are  _ not  _ Jieqiong’s forte. Nayoung learns this one night when they’re both up way past their usual time, both sitting on the couch with their legs outstretched onto the coffee table. A horror movie plays on the TV and Jieqiong squeaks, hiding behind Nayoung.

 

“Change the channel, quickly!” she orders, smacking Nayoung’s arm lightly. 

 

Nayoung giggles in amusement. “Not a fan?”

 

“Most definitely not.” Jieqiong whines, tossing her legs over Nayoung’s body as she stays hidden behind her shoulder. “Please change the channel.”

 

“Alright.” Nayoung reaches for the remote and does as she’s told. “Look. Spongebob’s playing.”

 

Right as Jieqiong moves out from behind her, Nayoung switches back to the channel playing the scary movie. With perfect timing, a ghost pops out right at that second, causing Jieqiong to scream. Nayoung laughs so hard and Jieqiong keeps hitting her arm which causes her to accidentally shut off the television. The sudden darkness scares Jieqiong even more as she stops hitting Nayoung and climbs onto her lap with a yelp.

 

“I hate you.” Jieqiong whines, poking Nayoung’s shoulder. 

 

“It’s just a show.” Nayoung giggles. “It’s fake.”

 

“Still.” Jieqiong murmurs, making no move to get off of Nayoung’s lap. They bask in the silence for a moment before Nayoung speaks up.

 

“Are you sleepy?”

 

“Sort of.”

 

Nayoung hums and stands up, bringing Jieqiong with her. The younger girl squeals and wraps her legs around Nayoung’s midsection, arms encircled around her neck. 

 

“Warn me next time!” Jieqiong hisses as Nayoung walks the both of them to bed. Nayoung drops her gently onto the bed before sliding her own body under the covers. Jieqiong shifts, accidentally kicks Nayoung’s shin, and then she’s under the blanket with the older girl, giggling lightly. The two of them get comfortable in no time, Jieqiong’s feet poking at Nayoung’s own and her arms encircling her waist. Nayoung feels Jieqiong’s warm breaths on her neck and she closes her eyes.

 

“Night.” Nayoung mumbles.

 

“Night.” Jieqiong replies, nose nuzzling Nayoung’s jaw.

 

**x**

 

Today is one of the few days Jieqiong doesn’t spend the night at Nayoung’s apartment. 

 

“I have an assignment due and I really need to develop the photos I’ve already taken.” Jieqiong pouts, seeming just as disappointed about having to leave Nayoung as much as Nayoung is. They had just eaten dinner together right after Nayoung arrived back, Jieqiong saying she didn’t want to leave without seeing her again. 

 

She takes her backpack off of the couch that Nayoung’s seated on, hurrying over to get behind Nayoung. “I’ll text you when I get home safely, okay?” 

 

Nayoung hums as she feels Jieqiong’s arms slide around her shoulder from behind, the weight of Jieqiong’s head on her shoulder. She tightens her hold and then lets Nayoung free, but then she pauses. She pauses just for a moment, and Nayoung is about to ask what’s wrong, but then she leans in and presses a kiss to Nayoung’s cheek, effectively throwing off Nayoung’s train of thoughts. “Goodnight.” she hums before pulling away.

 

Nayoung stares at Jieqiong’s back figure as she walks away, jaw slacked.

  
  
  


After work the following day, Nayoung feels empty at the sight of a Jieqiong-less apartment. It’s odd for her to come back to pure silence in her home, already so accustomed to Jieqiong’s humming of random songs or excited shouts directed towards the games on her phone. Work had been particularly stressful that day and Nayoung could really use a particular vitamin named Zhou Jieqiong at the moment.

 

She sighs and throws her keys onto the kitchen counter. She digs into her pocket for her phone and pulls it out, seeing nothing but her lockscreen background; no notifications. 

 

So much for having a social life.

 

She knows that she should  _ try _ to become friends with more people, and not just Jieqiong, but Nayoung doesn’t easily click with others. People either are too scared of her to talk to her or they do talk to her and end up getting bored of her. Jieqiong (minus Sejeong) has been the one outlier and Nayoung knows that’s why she’s so attached to her.

 

Nayoung decides not to dwell on it, not wanting to worsen her already bad mood. 

 

She scans the photo set as her background, smiles lightly, and then locks her phone. 

 

**x**

 

Jieqiong wakes Nayoung up one morning, a light hum from the girl causing a vibration against Nayoung’s collarbone. Her eyes flutter open, squinting at the brightness. It takes a couple seconds for her eyes to adjust to the lighting but once she comes to, she feels Jieqiong’s fingers tapping her waist.

 

“You have work, don’t you?” the girl asks groggily, forehead pressed against her neck. Nayoung’s much too tired to realize that Jieqiong’s really  _ really  _ close to her. She had stayed extra late last night working on an article that was due this morning and when she came home, Jieqiong was already asleep.

 

“You’re gonna be late.” Jieqiong states, though she doesn’t seem to be in any rush for Nayoung to leave, face still buried into her warmth.

 

Nayoung turns and lays on her back, stretching her arms up above her as Jieqiong lays on half her body, one arm sprawled across her stomach. She sits up, bringing Jieqiong up with her. The girl groans and rubs at her face, head tilted downwards so her hair creates a curtain around her face. Nayoung smiles at the scene and shakes her head, pulling her hair up into a messy bun, fingers running through the knots in her hair.

 

“What time did you come home?” Jieqiong asks, voice raspy.

 

“A little past two.” Nayoung answers with a deep breath, pulling the blankets off of her and sliding off of the bed with much reluctance. “Did you try to stay up for me?”

 

“Tried.” Jieqiong chuckles, watching with tired eyes as Nayoung walks towards the closet.

 

“Sorry.” Nayoung apologized guiltily, turning to look at Jieqiong who still has sleep written all over her face. “I stayed late trying to finish an article that needed to be published this morning.”

 

Jieqiong hums before lying back down. Nayoung grins and goes to the bathroom to freshen up.

 

When she exits the bathroom all freshened up, she spots Jieqiong at the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in front of her. Nayoung’s bag is set in front of her (she had tossed it there last night, too tired to properly put her things away).

 

Nayoung walks over and puts her bag on. “I’m off.”

 

Jieqiong puts another spoonful of cereal in her mouth with her eyes half-closed and Nayoung isn’t sure what comes over her, but she leans over and ruffles Jieqiong’s hair, placing a kiss on her temple. She spots Jieqiong’s tired smile and her heart races as she grabs her keys.

 

“See you later.” she says quickly, practically running out of her apartment.

  
  
  


“ _Welcome_ _home_.” Jieqiong greets in sing-song, walking out of the bedroom as Nayoung enters the apartment. When she spots the grocery bags in Nayoung’s hands, she hurries over to take them from her. 

 

“Thanks.” Nayoung grunts, closing the door with her foot.

 

“Bad day?” Jieqiong asks worriedly.

 

“No, just a tiring one.” Nayoung answers with a sigh, sitting on one of the stools. “How about you?”

 

“I got a gig at some wedding.” Jieqiong replies, already unpacking the groceries, putting some stuff into the fridge. Nayoung watches with tired eyes and a small smile. “It’s tomorrow, actually.”

 

“Short notice.” Nayoung states as Jieqiong puts the last of the groceries away.

 

“Yeah.” Jieqiong hums, leaning back on the counter, facing Nayoung. “My… friend set me up with the couple because their original photographer just had surgery, so…”

 

Nayoung notes the hesitation in Jieqiong’s voice about the ‘ _ friend _ ’ and she quirks an eyebrow. Jieqiong gives a hesitant grin.

 

“Long story.”

 

“Want to talk about it?”

 

Jieqiong tilts her head. “Want to listen?”

 

“Of course.” Nayoung answers, though she isn’t  _ too _ sure about it.

 

Jieqiong narrows her eyes before sighing. “Her name’s Jung Eunwoo.”

 

Nayoung remembers the name, remembers the contact name. 

 

“She’s been my best friend since high school and is currently my housemate. You’ve probably seen various body parts of hers in my journal of personal pictures.” Jieqiong smiles as she says this and Nayoung thinks about the toes in the pictures of the beach that she had noticed nearly a year ago. “We… we had a thing in our last year of high school.”

 

Nayoung was expecting that with the way Jieqiong seemed to be walking on glass-shards with her words but it doesn’t hurt any less. Nayoung knows it shouldn’t hurt her because it was  _ past-tense _ .

 

“We… still? We still have a thing, I think. I don’t know. It’s complicated.”  Jieqiong shakes her head with the rush of words spilling her lips and Nayoung’s earlier thoughts shatter; so it’s  _ not _ past-tense. It’s like she’s moreso trying to confirm things with herself than she is with Nayoung (not like she has to confirm anything with Nayoung. It’s not like they’re dating). “We’re still best friends but the feelings— _ her _ feelings—are still kind of there and… and things—things are just awkward.”

 

“Sounds stressful.” Nayoung comments without much emotion in her tone. “Do you still like her?”

 

“Well, of course.” Jieqiong answers a bit too quick for Nayoung’s liking. “I just don’t know if it’s enough to try anything with her. I care about her a lot, you know? But the lines are so blurry.”

 

Nayoung nods, listening to the younger girl speak. 

 

“There’s not much else to say.” Jieqiong chuckles awkwardly.

 

“Does she like you?”

 

“Yeah.” Jieqiong nods.

 

“Then… isn’t that it?” Nayoung replies, causing Jieqiong to look at her in confusion. She keeps talking (even though her heart is telling her to shut the fuck up). “If she likes you and you like her, isn’t that it?”

 

“Nayoung.” Jieqiong laughs in disbelief and, if Nayoung isn’t imagining it,  _ hurt _ . “It’s not that easy.”

 

“It isn’t?” Nayoung mumbles.

 

“Not at all. There are other factors—jobs, school,  _ people _ .” Jieqiong says, pushing herself off of the counter and walking towards Nayoung. “Besides, I said that I don’t know if I like her enough  _ like that _ to go out with her.”

 

Nayoung feels her pulse speed up at Jieqiong’s defensiveness. “I’m sorry that I assumed, then.”

 

Jieqiong, realizing her reaction was a bit over the top, takes a deep breath with pink cheeks. “Nayoung, it just really isn’t that easy.”

 

Nayoung hums. “Maybe you should still talk to Eunwoo, though. It’s better to have her as a best friend than to have her as no one, isn’t it?”

 

“You’re right.” Jieqiong nods, doing the cute little scrunched up face that she does whenever her mind is set on something. “I have to head back to get my camera, anyway. I’ll talk to her tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow after the gig?”

 

“Yeah.” Nayoung replies. 

 

Jieqiong disappears into the bedroom to get her stuff and Nayoung stays seated at the kitchen counter, going over Jieqiong’s earlier words. She had mentioned ‘people’ as one of the other factors… Had she meant Nayoung?

 

“I’ll text you when I get home safely.” Jieqiong says, stopping at the counter to get her phone.

 

Nayoung has half the nerve to ask Jieqiong  _ what  _ they are; friends, girlfriends— _ something in between _ —but the question stays lodged at the back of her throat in fear of causing tension in their relationship/friendship/ _ whatever _ ship. 

 

Jieqiong’s eyes meet hers for half a second before they move away fleetingly, almost embarrassedly. 

 

“Goodnight.” she says and hurries out the door, leaving Nayoung alone in her apartment.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Nayoung spends the next few weeks alone, cooped up in her apartment when she doesn’t have work. She has her nose buried in her black journal that has one too many pages ripped out from countless nights of restless thoughts and rollercoasters of emotions. 

 

Her mind often wanders to Jieqiong—how could it  _ not _ ? She stares at her empty notification screen with tired eyes, briefly wondering if she should be the one to send a text first. 

 

(It’s ridiculous, really. They’re both grown women and yet Nayoung feels like she’s back in high school again.)

 

She isn’t sure who started to avoid the other first and she doesn’t particularly care, not when her her heart aches every time she looks at the couch, void of Jieqiong. Nayoung doesn’t realize how dependent she had been on Jieqiong for her happiness until the girl starts to avoid her. It hits her then that she shouldn’t be so dependent on someone else.

 

She shouldn’t have to need someone else to be happy. She should make herself happy, she knows this, but she just isn’t quite sure  _ how _ .

 

Her boss tells her to take the day off because she looks like shit. Nayoung persists and says she’s fine but “Nayoung, you’ve worked your butt off so much this week that it even scares  _ me _ ; your  _ boss _ . Just take a breather, okay?” and Nayoung exits the building with a sigh. 

 

She heads home with her thoughts swirling around in her head at a thousand miles per hour. She misses having someone next to her. She wishes she wasn’t so alone; wishes Jieqiong isn’t her only friend (if she still even is her friend). 

 

Her feet bring her to the park; the place they had met each other many months ago—but her feet freeze when she spots the familiar girl. The girl isn’t alone but instead is sitting next to another girl, a  _ very pretty _ girl.

 

Nayoung wants to turn around before Jieqiong can notice her but it’s too late, Jieqiong’s eyes lock onto Nayoung’s and she freezes like a deer caught in headlights. When Jieqiong starts to lift up her hand to wave, something inside Nayoung cracks. She spins on her heels and walks away. She’s all too familiar with heartbreak and is quite upset that she feels her heart is broken. 

 

_ You aren’t even dating her.  _

 

Nayoung’s heart doesn’t seem to care about the fact that she and Jieqiong are only friends. Nayoung’s heart just thinks about how Jieqiong has other people who care about her, all probably much better at making Jieqiong happy, whilst Nayoung only has herself. Jieqiong has friends and family and possibly a romantic  _ partner _ who all care about her and Nayoung… 

 

Nayoung has herself. 

  
  
  
  


That night, Jieqiong texts her. 

 

**[Jieqiong] (11:24 PM): hi.**

 

Nayoung stares at the message. She wants to ignore her, as revenge for Jieqiong avoiding her, but she knows that she can’t do that. Her heart wins over her mind when it comes to Jieqiong.

 

**[Nayoung] (11:24 PM): hi.**

**[Jieqiong] (11:25 PM): how come u didn’t come say hi??? today at the parl**

**[Jieqiong] (11:25 PM): park***

 

Her thumbs fiddle around in the air as she thinks of a response. 

 

**[Nayoung] (11:26 PM): i didn’t want to bother you.**

 

Nayoung knows that Jieqiong can easily read through her bullshit but she doesn’t exactly care. (She does care. She cares a lot more than she’d like to admit.)

 

**[Jieqiong] (11:26 PM): you’re never a bother to me**

 

Nayoung hates that she’s acting like this because she knows she’s making things difficult. 

 

**[Nayoung] (11:28 PM): yeah, i guess. goodnight**

**[Jieqiong] (11:28 PM): gn**

 

She tosses her phone onto her bedside table and burrows herself into her blanket. Zhou Jieqiong has her feeling too many types of emotions. 

 

**x**

 

_ Maybe it’s for the better.  _

 

Nayoung repeats that same sentence in her head over and over as she sets her homescreen and lockscreen as a blank white screen, repeats it as she throws her bedsheets and her pillowcases into the laundry in order to get rid of Jieqiong’s scent, repeats it when she removes all the animal documentaries on her Netflix account out of her list.

 

_ Maybe it’s for the better. _

 

**x**

 

**[Jieqiong] (5:47 PM): can i come over?**

 

Nayoung’s eyeballs nearly pop out of their sockets as she sees the notification. She just got out of the shower, hair still dripping wet. Her thumbs shake as she types a reply.

 

**[Nayoung] (6:02 PM): sorry for late response i was taking a shower. sure u can.**

**[Jieqiong] (6:02 PM): ok i’m outside**

 

Nayoung almost drops her phone in surprise, hurrying to her apartment door. 

 

She opens the door, wide-eyed. “What the hell? How long have you been waiting?”

 

“Since I texted you the first time.” Jieqiong admits sheepishly. She holds up the brown bag in her hand. “I brought Chinese.”

 

Nayoung scoffs in disbelief and moves to the side to let her in. In the air hangs a bit of tension, something that has never been there between the two of them before. Nayoung assumes it’s because of their two weeks of radio silence. Jieqiong slips past her and the scent of her familiar perfume invades Nayoung’s nose. She holds her breath as she shuts the door and follows Jieqiong to the kitchen.

 

“How are you?” Jieqiong asks as she sets the bag down on the counter.

 

Nayoung fights the urge to narrow her eyes as she leans back on the granite counter. “I’m fine.” she answers shortly, examining Jieqiong’s reaction. The younger girl blinks and stiffens, her eyes averting towards another part of the apartment instead of settling onto Nayoung.

 

“That’s good.” Jieqiong nods. The bag of food is left untouched as she sits down at the counter, the stool squeaking as she turns it. She stares down at her lap. “We should talk.”

 

“Okay.” Nayoung nods. When the words leave her mouth, Jieqiong looks up, as if she had been expecting a different answer. “Let’s talk.”

 

The air is suffocating between them and Nayoung truly wants to dig herself a hole to go hide in. Jieqiong’s eyes aren’t as light as they usually are and everything about her screams that she’s tired.

 

“For two weeks.” Jieqiong starts off, voice trembling. “We didn’t speak. At all.”

 

Nayoung just nods slowly.

 

Jieqiong releases a deep breath. “Why?”

 

It’s a good question, one that Nayoung has thought about constantly over the torturous couple of weeks. Deep inside, she knows the answer, but her mind blocks what her heart wants to say.

 

“I don’t know.” Nayoung answers. This irks Jieqiong, who furrows her eyebrows in frustration and stands from the stool.

 

“Yes you do.” she says lowly. Nayoung frowns as Jieqiong comes closer to her. She feels her back dig into the edge of the counter, trying to get as far away from the girl as possible. Jieqiong notices this and stops her advancement.

 

“Look, if you know the answer, why are you asking?” she asks, not meaning to sound so passive-aggressive but coming off that way despite her intentions.

 

“ _ Maybe _ because I’d like to hear if from you personally?” she asks in the ‘are you serious?’ type of way, cold eyes staring into Nayoung’s. 

 

Nayoung has never seen Jieqiong so serious or angry at her. 

 

It hurts her in more ways than one, but she doesn’t let it show.

 

“I think it was a mistake for you to come here.” 

 

Jieqiong takes a step back— _ stumbles  _ back, her mouth open in shock. Nayoung tightens her jaw and turns her head to avoid the look of hurt in Jieqiong’s eyes.

 

“It’s for the better.” she mumbles.

 

“ _ What _ is?” Jieqiong asks, her voice taking on a desperate tone. “Nayoung, please—at least  _ explain _ to me what you mean.”

 

“That we stop talking to each other.” Nayoung pushes her body off of the counter and walks away from the kitchen and into the living room, trying to get some air, trying to get  _ away _ from Jieqiong. (This proves to be beyond difficult considering the fact that all Nayoung wants to do right now is hug the girl.)

 

“But I came here to talk to you about…” Jieqiong trails off, voice cracking as she stares at Nayoung’s back with teary eyes. Nayoung brings herself to turn and look at the girl in the eyes but immediately regrets it as she spots the tear sliding down the girl’s cheek. Jieqiong sniffles and straightens her back, wiping the tear from her face. “ _ Fine _ .”

 

A look of confusion flashes over Nayoung’s features for the briefest second.

 

“If you aren’t going to put any effort into fixing what we had, then I won’t.” Jieqiong says quietly, wiping at her cheeks, anger riddling her words.

 

“What  _ did  _ we have?” Nayoung asks in a heartbeat, eyes searching Jieqiong’s. She  _ needs  _ an answer, something solid, something besides the blurry lines that she’s gotten used to.

 

Jieqiong’s bottom lip trembles and she bites down on it. She shakes her head.

 

“I don’t know.” she answers, teeth gritted together. “But it was something good, I’ll tell you that much.”

 

Nayoung wants to reach out, wants to take hold of Jieqiong’s shaking hands, but Jieqiong is too far from her (both figuratively and literally). Nayoung thinks that Jieqiong’s going to leave (and probably never come back), but she stays standing in her spot, head down.

 

“Is it because of Eunwoo?” Jieqiong asks quietly—so quietly that Nayoung nearly misses it—and she lifts her gaze to settle on Nayoung, her forehead wrinkled. Nayoung quickly averts her eyes, and it’s enough of an answer for Jieqiong, who releases a deep breath. “I  _ told  _ you.” she says, outstretching her arms in disbelief.

 

“I  _ told you _ that I didn’t like her like that.”

 

“You said you didn’t know.” Nayoung responds. “That wasn’t a no.”

 

“It wasn’t a yes, either.” Jieqiong retorts, anger rising in her tone. She walks into the living room and stands in front of Nayoung, leaving a good amount of space between them. “Nayoung, isn’t it obvious that I like you, that I have feelings for you? Was me spending every night next to you not proof enough?”

 

Nayoung wishes Jieqiong would’ve told her that in better circumstances, without tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

(The straightforward confession still makes Nayoung’s heart flutter, though.)

 

“I didn’t want to assume.”

 

“ _ Dammit, Nayoung _ .” Jieqiong hisses. Her eyes are contradictory to her tone, her gaze softening despite the tension. “What are you so afraid of?”

 

The question hits Nayoung like a bag of bricks. Jieqiong stares at her,  _ really  _ stares at her, awaiting an answer.

 

Nayoung gulps down the lump in her throat.

 

“A lot of things, I guess.” she whispers, avoiding Jieqiong’s eyes. She goes to sit down on the couch, her knees too weak for her to stay standing. Jieqiong follows her silently. “I’m scared that— _ I don’t know _ —that we wouldn’t work out?”

 

Jieqiong lets out a small laugh, a beautifully heartbroken one. “We were working pretty fine before  _ this _ .” she gestures everywhere and nowhere with her hands.

 

Nayoung hates herself for being so insecure. Maybe if that one part of her brain would shut up; the part that’s telling her Jieqiong deserves better and that she  _ will  _ find someone better, they could be dating by now.

 

“I’m sorry.” Nayoung murmurs, wondering what to say next— _ panicking _ because she doesn’t know what to say next. “When I saw you with Eunwoo, I felt… I… I don’t know; empty?  _ Fuck _ , I don’t even know how to explain—”

 

“ _ Hey _ .” Jieqiong’s voice is so soft and her eyes? Softer. She offers a small smile, barely lifting the corners of her lips. “Breathe, Nayoung. I’m here and I’m listening.”

 

Nayoung is truly in awe at how she could possibly be blessed with the angel that is Zhou Jieqiong.

 

A deep sigh leaves her lips. 

 

“I felt defeated.” she says. “And I know you’re not some kind of trophy or object that I own, that’s not what I meant, I just—seeing you with her, it got me thinking that there are plenty of other people,  _ good  _ people, that you can be with instead of me.”

 

Jieqiong frowns. “There is  _ nothing _ wrong with you.”

 

“I made you cry.” Nayoung replies instantly. “You should never have to cry. Ever.”

 

The frown on Jieqiong’s face loosens up into a small smile. “I’m human, Nayoung; I have emotions and you can’t control them. I’m not going to say that everything is okay because you really hurt me by ignoring me like that but… I hope that we don’t have to become strangers after this.”

 

Nayoung turns her body so she’s facing Jieqiong. She folds her hands over her lap and gulps.

 

“I  _ do  _ like you, Jieqiong, _ a lot _ —I know you probably already know this, but I wanted to say it outloud so you  _ really _ know.” Nayoung confesses. “I’ve been running away from my problems ever since I was little, much thanks to my messy family situation. And… And I’m not trying to excuse my behaviour… I’m just… trying to  _ explain  _ it.” 

 

Jieqiong stays quiet, listening intently.

 

“I used to have this  _ annoying _ mindset that nothing good lasts forever… So, when you showed up in my life, for the first time I believed that this one good thing could  _ maybe  _ last forever.” Nayoung says. “And before I knew it, I starting gaining feelings for you. It happened so gradually… so  _ quietly _ , that when I realized it—my  _ feelings _ —we were already so close and so far along in our friendship that I was terrified to say anything, I didn’t want to make my old mindset true, didn’t want you to leave. And then Eunwoo showed up and you told me about your past with her and then the mindset came back and I thought that I’d never be good for you and… and then my defense mechanisms kicked in and—”

 

Nayoung is out of breath when she feels a hand come to  rest on top of her clasped ones.

 

“ _ Nayoung _ .” Jieqiong whispers, bringing up her other hand and wiping at the tear on Nayoung’s cheek that Nayoung didn’t even know escaped.

 

Nayoung stares into Jieqiong’s eyes, the only light in the apartment coming from the kitchen making everything dim. She exhales shakily.

 

“I can’t promise to never hurt you again but I can promise to try.” 

 

The only reason Nayoung notices the tremble of Jieqiong’s bottom lip is because they’re so close together. Nayoung doesn’t remember Jieqiong moving so close to her.

 

“Promise?” Jieqiong murmurs quietly, nose grazing Nayoung’s.

 

Nayoung nods because that’s the only thing she can do.

 

“Say it.” Jieqiong orders gently.

 

“I promise.” Nayoung whispers, sighing when she feels Jieqiong push forward to connect their lips.

 

Soft lips slide against each other for only a couple seconds before Nayoung  _ feels _ Jieqiong grinning and their teeth clink because Nayoung smiles, too. She pulls away and leans her forehead on Jieqiong’s as the younger girl giggles.

 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” Jieqiong smiles. Suddenly the gloomy atmosphere from a few minutes ago vanishes and Nayoung’s heart is skipping beats for an entirely different reason.

 

Jieqiong lightly punches Nayoung’s shoulder. “I’m still mad at you, though.”

 

“I know.” Nayoung nods. “I’ll do my best make it up to you.”

 

“Okay, let’s eat the Chinese food I brought, then. It’s probably cold by now.” Jieqiong gets up from the couch only for Nayoung to grab onto her wrist.

 

“Wait.” she says, tugging Jieqiong down and capturing her lips. Jieqiong smiles into the kiss.

 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of that.” she whispers as they pull away.

 

Nayoung grins and stands, sliding her hand down and interlacing her fingers with Jieqiong’s. “Me neither.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tada! i would've loved to actually create a much longer, much more 'slow-burn'-ish story but i've already had this in my drafts (along with Many other stories) for so long that i decided to just upload it LOL. 
> 
> thank u all for reading and please leave some sort of feedback whether it be in the comments or in my curiouscat! (curiouscat.me/PR1STINS)
> 
> [p.s there's a little extra something something i have that i'll upload maybe in a couple days :>]


	4. Chapter 4

**+1.**

**x**

 

“Thanks for meeting me.” Nayoung mumbles with the faintest of a smile on her lips. Sejeong responds with her own smile and hum, sitting down next to Nayoung. Nayoung still feels that warm aura Sejeong always emitted, her chest warming up despite the rainy weather.

 

“Of course.” she says, eyes wandering around the cozy cafe. “I was surprised you even called. It’s been…”

 

“Almost two years, yeah.” Nayoung finishes Sejeong’s sentence for her with a nod. “I just… I wanted to know how you’ve been.”

 

Sejeong’s smile grows the tiniest bit and she tilts her head, looking amused.

 

“What?” Nayoung asks, chuckling a bit as the words leave her mouth.

 

“You’ve changed.” Sejeong states fondly. 

 

“I’ve changed?”

 

“Yeah, you have.” Sejeong grins. “I’ve known you for years, Nayoung. Three years ago you would’ve never met up with an ex-girlfriend to see how she’s been. You would’ve avoided her at all costs.”

 

Nayoung’s mouth opens slightly in surprise and revelation. What Sejeong said isn’t false. She closes her mouth and composes herself with a grin. “I guess… I’ve realized some things and have come to terms with some things, you know? We were close friends before we dated and I don’t have many friends.” she says this with a small laugh. “I don’t want to lose anybody important to me in my life if I can help it.”

 

Sejeong leans back against the chair and her smile is adoring; Nayoung sees that it’s completely platonic and her chest spreads with a warmth of happiness. 

 

“Okay, who are you and what have you done to Im Nayoung?”

 

Nayoung rolls her eyes as Sejeong lets out a radiant laugh.

 

**x**

 

“Hey.” Jieqiong greets Nayoung as she enters the apartment. “I finished unpacking. How’d it go?”

 

“It went really well.” Nayoung answers, sliding out of her shoes and tossing her coat onto the couch. She makes her way over to Jieqiong who’s standing in front of the counter with Nayoung’s laptop in front of her. “What are you doing?”

 

“I’m glad it went well, babe.” Jieqiong turns her head and they kiss briefly, the two of them pulling away with smiles on their faces. Jieqiong turns back around and Nayoung loops her arms around Jieqiong’s midsection. “And, I’m looking up recipes.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For cooking, duh.” Jieqiong replies, causing Nayoung to pinch her waist. “ _ Ow _ , jeez!”

 

Nayoung kisses her cheek in apology.

 

Jieqiong smiles and continues to scroll down the webpage on the laptop. “I just want to cook a nice meal for my girlfriend, is that so hard?”

 

Nayoung doesn’t think her heart will ever stop skipping a beat when Jieqiong refers to her as ‘her girlfriend’. She places a soft kiss behind Jieqiong’s ear and feels the girl lean back with a contented sigh.

 

“Just don’t burn the apartment building down.” she whispers.

 

Jieqiong smacks her arm lightly and Nayoung laughs, pulling away from the girl’s body.

 

“I’m gonna shower really quick.”

 

“Okay.” Jieqiong hums.

  
  
  
  
  


**x**

  
  
  
  
  


It’s a Saturday night and they’ve spent the whole day inside, not wanting to go out when it’s pouring rain. They made cookies (read: burnt them because Jieqiong set the timer for 300 minutes instead of 30 by accident), watched movies, and cuddled—all of which are relatively  _ innocent _ activities.

 

So, how on  _ earth _ did they end up  _ making out _ ?

 

Nayoung feels Jieqiong shift and before she knows it, she’s being straddled by the younger girl. She lets out a small gasp at the lack of space between them (they’ve been this close before, but not while Jieqiong’s kissing her and  _ touching _ her). Jieqiong pulls away barely, breathing heavily as she stares into Nayoung’s eyes, fingers gently pulling at the roots of Nayoung’s hair.

 

Despite it being nearly two years since they’ve first started dating, they haven’t done much besides kissing—not even because they are too busy, they’ve spent plenty of weekends together—but there just never was a good time. 

 

Nayoung thinks now’s a good time, if any.

 

Jieqiong’s lips are still parted when Nayoung goes in for another kiss and she feels Jieqiong’s gasp more than hears it. Jieqiong’s throat vibrates with an approving hum when Nayoung starts to kiss down her neck.

 

“ _ Oh _ .” Jieqiong inhales sharply as Nayoung licks and nips at her soft skin. She grinds down onto Nayoung’s lap before stopping suddenly, feeling the pleasure that was spreading throughout her body in a white hot sensation and becoming overwhelmed. She places her hands on Nayoung’s shoulders and pulls back, putting some space between them. Her chest is heaving more than Nayoung’s is. “This is a lot.”

 

“We can stop.” Nayoung says, eyes flickering between Jieqiong’s. 

 

“I…” Jieqiong’s words come out in a whisper. “I don’t think I want to stop.”

 

“Okay.” Nayoung murmurs, feels her heart hammering and her pulse running. “Then we won’t.”

 

“Are you okay with that?” Jieqiong moves one of her hands to cup Nayoung’s cheek, thumb stroking over her skin. 

 

“Yeah.” Nayoung turns her head and kisses Jieqiong’s palm. “As long as you are.”

 

“I love you.” Jieqiong exhales airily. 

 

Nayoung smiles.

 

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: the date that i put for jieqiong and nayoung first meeting is the date i first started working on this fic.
> 
> comments and kudos are very much appreciated! <3


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